We drove over to Lawrence to visit my cousin Kyle’s wife and two kids while my mom was here a couple of weeks ago. They had a baby boy about eight months ago and they also have the cutest little blonde-headed three-year-old girl who Cameron and Quincy had a ball playing with. They babbled about their cousins all the way home and for about the next 24 hours. You know how kids are. They are all hot on something like a happy meal toy for about 24-48 hours and then they discard it and are on to something else. I’ve cleaned out toys lately. Can you tell?
But they have not forgotten their cousins and have mentioned them several times in the last couple of weeks. Cameron was quite taken by the baby. She kept talking to him in a soft, high-pitched, sing-songy voice and trying to engage him by tossing a pink glitter ball. He obliged, but of course tried to stick the ball in his mouth each time he got hold of it. She would reach up and gently touch his head. His spiky blonde hair was so cute and soft, and his big blue eyes were mesmerizing.
We arrived while he was sleeping and attempts to wake him were unsuccessful so for part of our visit I got to hold him as he slept. After a tour of their home we sat on the sofa to talk, and as he laid on my chest I took deep breaths in to capture as much of that sweet baby smell as I could. I touched his cheeks, his feet and hands, and ran my chin over his soft hair just soaking him in as we chatted and caught up with his mother. I haven’t held a baby in a long time. Well actually, I think it’s been since the twins were babies so about 4 years ago. Since I had all girls and with my nephews as the few exceptions, I have rarely held a baby boy.
Ever since I held him I have considered what it is that I am missing out on by having all girls. Please don’t get me wrong. I am so very grateful to have four bright, beautiful and healthy girls and I love them with all of my heart. But I can’t help but feel a little tug when I think about that special mother/son relationship that I will never get to experience. It’s especially difficult as I hear my friends and/or sister talk about their sons. My sister spent some good quality time with her oldest son recently driving up from Wichita to Lawrence to attend a KU game. My friend Mari has a close relationship with her 13-year-old son. And I just saw a picture on Facebook of a friend with her son. In a small way, I envy them.
Sorry, but I have to include this next part for my mom. Yes, Greg and I are unequivocally finished having kids. To use a fishing reference, we have caught our limit. We are maxed out financially, emotionally, physically and in every other way two people can be. Just reading what I’ve posted so far on here about our life exhausts me. Adding any more to the Chopp household is simply crazy talk.
But I will always wonder….what if.