If you are at all squeamish, DO NOT READ THIS! For a good laugh at our expense, please read on.
The dog food situation has taken a turn for the worse in the Chopp household. After investing in “the good stuff” a little less than a week ago, not only has the new dog food turned the dogs’ gas into an odor akin to rotten eggs, but it has wreaked some serious havoc on their systems to the extent that both dogs seem to have lost all control of their bowels as well. I come downstairs this morning to find Madison dry-heaving into the trashcan – she has a weak stomach – and a steaming wet pile of dog-poo right in front of the door going out to the garage. Thank The Maker we have wood floors.
I immediately don my rubber gloves and gas mask (a dish towel tied across my mouth and nose), crate Barkley (aka “The Offender”), direct Madison to walk the other way to relieve her little stomach from cramping, and begin to work on cleaning it up all while yelling directions to them so that they continue on with their morning routine instead of stand still with their thumb up their butt thus making us late for that torturous thing called a “car line”. “Get your coats on!” “Madison, you’re going to need a scarf! It’s cold this morning!” “Grab your juice and a granola bar!” “Get your stuff in your bags!”
I make it through the rest of the morning just fine, endure the car line yet again, and return home with the twins. I open the door to the basement to get Barkley out of his crate and what do I find? He is looking up at me, covered in poop. My face is nearly burned off from the intense smell. It’s as if he skated around in it making sure to touch every inch of the crate. My Facebook status aptly describes my first thought: “Calgon, get me the hell out of here!”
Needless to say, we’ll be going back to the cheap stuff post haste.