Of Dog Food and Flatulence

"Am I cute or what?"

A year ago, like two crazy people, we decided to add a bulldog puppy to our brood.  It had to be a male, of course.  Bruiser, our six-year-old pug, is also a male – as if you couldn’t tell by the obviously masculine name.  Greg has insisted on male dogs as a way of bringing some balance to an otherwise hormone heavy household.  And what am I going to do, argue?  He is a little outnumbered.  So he diligently did research on bulldogs, we agreed upon an Old English, and he searched and searched until he found a reasonably priced puppy close to Kansas City.  He brought the puppy home just in time for Valentine’s Day and the girls were thrilled.  It has taken a year, but Barkley the bulldog is starting to settle into his “place” in our family. 

Of the many wonderful qualities Barkley has added to the family dynamic, the least desirable is his crazy obnoxious gas.  Like, clear-the-room gas.  He rivals all four of the girls combined in terms of both odor and production.  Let me just add here a surprise fact for those of you who only have boys.  While there are many differences between the sexes, I’m here to tell you that the body’s emission of gas is just as comical to little girls as it is to little boys.  We need only to crack a smile at one of the girls to let them know they have a willing audience.  There are days in our house where the level of gas, dogs and girls combined, reaches toxicity.   You’ll want to keep this in mind if you ever come to visit.  Maybe we will institute the colored flag system that they use on the beaches in Florida to warn potential guests, with red being high hazard and green being low.  It’s a thought.       

Back to Barkley, though.  We had only to experience oh, I don’t know, A YEAR of this horrific stench for Greg to get back on the computer to do some follow-up research on what might be causing it.  Come to find out, gas is just one of the characteristics of bulldogs, a fact he missed in his original research.  The good news, though, is that they actually make a dog food that is easier for them to digest thereby reducing the gas.  So off to the pet store he went today in search of this special food only to return later with samples for Barkley to try.  They recommended that we put little piles out of all three kinds at a time to see which food Barkley favored.  Are you kidding me?!  This is a bulldog.  A breed known to eat the license plate right off of a car.  Like he would eat a bite and pause for reflection.  And true to form, he gobbled up all three piles of food without pausing to even take a breath. 

Still on our quest to find the right food for him, we have decided to try out each brand one at a time and just hope that it results in some quantifiable decrease in his gas.  We have already put up with it for a year so I suppose a few more months won’t hurt us.  As for the girls, we are flying a green flag now, but that could change at any moment.


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